365 days of izzaayyL

Hello friends. It’s been a while. 2 weeks, actually. I guess it’s not really all that long but in internet time, that’s a heck of a lotta hours. I apologize for not being around. To those of you who read each and every post, I am grateful for your loyalty and I’m sorry for the wait. To those who just happen to see this, hello. I hope you consider staying. 

I didn’t have internet last week and having not turned on my laptop since then, I realized how much I actually… didn’t need it. So I held off on this dreaded task another week and here I am now having finally turned on the ol’ laptop again. I promise to be back with posts with more substance in them. There is much to tell. 

Until then.

When SC messaged me bright and early this morning, it caught me very off-guard. Not in a bad way though. It was pretty nice. I’m glad this conversation started.

I remember growing up with him, going to his house and making forts out of pillows, blankets and dining chairs with his sisters. I remember the goodbye party everyone threw them when it was discovered that they would be permanently moving to Hong Kong. I remember not thinking it was that big of a deal. I was young. No one ever moved to Hong Kong forever. It was just a vacation. They’d be back. Oh, naive little me. They didn’t come back for a while. By the time they did come back to visit, I was in the upper grades of elementary school. It was so nice seeing them again. While things started off on an awkward note, the ice melted quickly and we were all close friends again. The older sister went to Queen’s for university. I moved up to high school. The rest of the family returned to Hong Kong. Fast-forward to present-day: I am in first year university. Older sister’s wrapping up her degree at a seminary school back in my hometown. The middle brother, whom I’ve been talking to, is in first year university in British Columbia. Younger sister’s still in Hong Kong. 

Oh how far we’ve come. This reunion has been refreshing. Can’t wait to see their entire family again. 

I should really be studying and doing my readings for the exam I have tomorrow. Sigh. Priorities.

Something pleasantly interesting happened to me today, kind of. One of my friends in rez came up to me and told me that they really liked a post I had written a while back on drinking. (Hello, if you’re reading this. Haha.) Because we were outside and I was on my way to a choir audition, this exchange was brief. I was actually kinda shocked that someone outside of my usual Tumblr circle had read that post, but I said thank you nonetheless. Glad to know that my thoughts are getting out there.

I couldn’t really remember what I had written so I had to go back and reread the entire post. Thinking back, I clearly had one person in mind when writing it, but tried very hard to keep it general. Now that that factor doesn’t apply anymore, it’s time to rethink. Many things have changed since I typed up that post: I had just started first year and now things are wrapping up. While my views don’t change, somethings have become clearer to me. I can’t control how my peers choose to live their lives. I can try as hard as I want, but ultimately the only thing I can do is to potentially influence their thought process when it comes to making decisions about alcohol. In the end, it will still be their throat that the toxins roll down. 

I now realize how truly biased my thoughts were. Although I did state somewhere in the post that I knew my opinion was biased, I feel like that one line doesn’t do my true feelings justice. Back then, I had never really been in the presence of great amounts of alcohol and intoxicated people. Throughout my 8 months here in rez, I’ve been to parties, witnessed drunk actions, even helped out when someone went past the point of no return. I previously said that I would distance myself, but after living through what I have, I see that I shouldn’t approach it that way. If I leave the scene, who will be there when things get out of control and no one’s in their right mind to handle it anymore? Who will make sure that everyone gets home safely? I understand that it is definitely not my responsibility but as a friend and someone who truly cares about these people, I need to be there for them when they need me regardless of whether I approve of their situation or not. Because I trust that they would do the same.

I’ve become more tolerant of alcohol, but I still do not approve of consuming it. I urge you all to choose wisely and have everyone’s, including yourself, best intentions in mind. Should you run into problems, know that I will be there to say, “I told you so.”

But I will also always be there to show you that I’ve got your back.

(It seems like I’m making a habit of early-morning blogging. One more thing I need to change for next year.)

Version 2.0 of the end occurred last night and tonight. I don’t even know where to start. We’ll go chronologically. 

My night started off with the marching band banquet. While I couldn’t stay for the whole thing, I enjoyed my time while I was there. Just being in that room with everyone made me feel so… comfortable. Seeing some of the costumes just made me love this group of people that much more. SV was a unicorn, HW and VS went as an old married couple. I won the Nicest Hair award and got a hairbrush. Funny thing is I actually needed a new hairbrush. They know me well, haha. When we took our high winds family photos, it finally hit me that not everyone would be returning next year. Having to say goodbye was difficult. 

ACF Banquet. I missed the entire first half, including the frosh video so the rest was just casual entertainment for me. The presentations were incredibly adorable and very sweet. Worship was great as always, except for the fact that I sang when I was supposed to be resting my voice. Let’s pray that God heals me in time for jury. Pictures came after. Chaos as usual, as pictures in huge groups always create. This all happened in a flash. What really stuck in my mind was the casual sharing and spontaneous worship that followed at House 28. Being able to just relax and listen to all these brothers and sisters share made me feel so calm and so… comfortable, like with the band. For those 3 hours, I actually felt like I had nothing to worry about. All these people around me? They had my back. They would forever be my prayer warriors and the people who would take care of me no matter what. When MY asked to pray for all 5 of us frosh that were present, I just… it was so… I can’t even describe it. I forgot about all the things I screwed up on this year. I forgot about how I had 3 exams to write that I knew absolutely nothing for. I forgot about the stress of having to find a subletter before I left London for the summer. Having Rere put her hand on my arm as she prayed for me, it meant that much more that it was HER praying for me. In that moment, I forgot about the world. It was just us in that living room. I felt so calm and so loved. Not a care in the world, not a worry in my heart. Leaving that environment was also one of the hardest things to do. But it had to happen and here I am, back in my state of worry and self-doubt. It was an amazing night and I never want to forget a moment of it. 

Then tonight, our studio party. I’ve never felt more comfortable with these people before tonight. We ate, we laughed, we sang, together. It was the most fun I’ve had in this group setting, ever. I didn’t feel like a measly first year, unknowing and young. Well, I did feel young, but I finally felt like I belonged with these people. That I had made it thus far. It hurt to know that tonight would be the last time I’d see some of these ladies but I’m glad we got to spend this one last night together. When we sang For Good, I just teared up as I saw them hugging each other. I can’t imagine having to be in their position. It’ll be the third time. But it will come. Sigh, it will come. 

I’ve had an eventful few days and while I’m exhausted, I’m incredibly grateful that I got to experience these moments with the people that were there. Praise the Lord for all that He has done is wonderful and good. 

Tonight was the Delaware formal. Can’t believe that the year is almost over and that soon, we will have to move out of this convenient place we call home. It’s crazy how such a building that was established many, many years ago continue to be home to a new group of people each year. How many people have sat where I’m sitting right now and thought what I’m thinking? Did they feel the same as I do? While I have certainly enjoyed my life here, it’s time to let someone else experience the wonders of living in this room. This has been home to me and I will surely miss it.

Just some simple math to end, the first person to ever live in this room would be turning 67 this year. I wonder if they remember being here. I wonder if they think about me, the current inhabitant of this room. I wonder if they left their mark in this room. I hope I find it. 

It is currently 3:48 am and I am blogging. Why? Ask my conscience. 

I have yet to do my Intent to Register. In a nutshell, it secures my place in my program for next year. Right now, I’m just saying that I haven’t figured out my elective yet. But really, let’s be real here. Am I even going to pass first year? I won’t list out the things I’ve done wrong because well… I don’t wanna kick myself THAT hard, but I’ve done my fair share of things that don’t further me in my education. What am I even doing? See, I want to do this. I want to stay here, I want to learn, I want to be better. But I just don’t even have the motivation or the discipline to take action. I give everyone else advice on how to make it where I am but really… I don’t think they want to be where I am. (Sorry if I actually gave advice to anyone reading this. I gave you real advice, trust me. Not my path.) 

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE.

That city is amazing. I wish I could’ve spent more time there. A week, maybe two. I wouldn’t mind at all.

I spent this past weekend there with the marching band because we got the super awesome chance to play in the St. Patrick’s Day parade again. First time ever in Montreal. It is so lovely there, despite it being a little chilly. Got to spend a weekend with some of my favourite people making new, great memories, ones that I’ll probably remember for a long while. This weekend was full of many… firsts. And some lasts. :P Nonetheless, great experiences.  I only wish that it wasn’t just one weekend. There are still more people I need to get to know. There was… potential. I guess we’ll never know now. 

I’m so glad I joined marching band. One of the best things that’s happened to me since I’ve been here. Can’t imagine my life without it now. (: 

In approximately 35 hours, I will be boarding the Western Mustang bus heading to Toronto to play with the Western Mustang Band at the Canadian Screen Awards. A lot of pronouns in that last sentence, woah. But anyway, the Canadian Screen Awards are basically the Canadian equivalent to the Grammy’s in the States. So in other words, a pretty big deal for Canada. And the marching band from WESTERN in LONDON was asked to play. Wow.

I can’t even begin to express my excitement. Firstly, I get a free ride back to my hometown. Who wouldn’t be excited about that? Secondly, this is a large scale event. We’re going to be playing on the stage of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. That’s some major accomplishment for me, performing on yet another big stage with other fabulous performers. There will be celebrities at this event. People who make big bucks on the big screen. The actors from Flashpoint will be there. The Listener. CRAIG OLEJNIK. If he’s there, I will seriously go into fangirl mode, no doubt about it. Someone needs to hold me back, I’m saying that right now. 

I wonder if we’ll get to mingle with the audience…

So far tonight, I’ve received 4 valentines from my floormates. I did not realize we had to distribute them a day before… I’m still writing mine… Well, I guess you’ll all get them when you get them. (:

Another year’s gone by. It is Valentine’s Day yet again. The day where all us hopeless romantics dream up very creative scenarios and hope that someone very special will play them out. In some cases, we get lucky and something close, if not exactly the same, happens. In other cases, we’re left in the dark and alone.

But fear not! Valentine’s Day is merely another media-based societal notion that’s been completely blown up. In the end, it’s just another day. If you’re in a relationship, this should not be the one day where you decide to go all out for your significant other. That should be all days. That is how you treat your love right. If you’re not in a relationship, choose to love yourself a little more on this day. Have a bubble bath. Go indulge in a book you’ve always wanted to read. Take a walk around the neighbourhood with just yourself. Reflect. Spend time with yourself. You don’t need to be with someone to make everything better. 

However you choose to spend these next 24 hours, I hope you spend it well and I hope you’re very happy.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Tumblr followers. (: Much love from yours truly. <3

For once, this text post isn’t about me. Well, it’s kind of about me, but more about you. Here we go.

Why won’t you call me? I don’t want to initiate it because your phone plan might not support it but I did tell you to when I posted on your wall. You haven’t even texted me once. I know what’s going on with you right now but I am still so worried. I know you’re being taken care of by your friends because I’m all over this social networking business, trust me. I just wish you’d open up to me as well. I’m not gonna push it any further because this is no time for that, but if you come across this, know that I’m here. I always have been, I always will be. Just a phone call away, a text away, a wall post, an email, letter, anything. I’m not that far. 

I’ll see you in a week. Hang in there, baby.

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